I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL
Thursday, November 29, 2012
It was a dark cold night. The moon hid behind the clouds fearing to lit the pavements and the road that night. It was a quiet and a cold black night and the sounds of the night creatures could not be heard except for the rattling of leaves and trees.
She threw herself on the bed, in her hand was a crumpled picture of which she held tightly to her chest. Tears started to roll down her cheeks, bit by bit until she broke into sobs and tears which she had already held it in for too long. But her desperate pleas and cries were all swallowed by the night until she realise that she was completely alone. In her tears, her lips kept chanting his name, a name where once sound so familiar now turned into a distant memory.
***************
"Please. Tell me that this is not the end for us. Tell me that you still love me and you'll never let me go."
"I'm sorry."
"No. We can solve this. You and I both know we shouldn't end up like this."
"There's nothing I could do. The spark is gone. It's broken."
**************
She knew there was nothing she could do. It is already the end. Everything she believed in and everything that she had hope for is gone. She felt her whole world just fall apart in front of her and there is nothing that she could do but to just witness everything. Like a body without a soul, she walked towards her desk, took out a paper and a pen and decided that this is it.
My dearest and beloved Alex,
While writing this letter, I asked myself for what seems like a million times, what is it like to truly be in love ? Do we always feel happy or likewise ? I thought the latter and I thought what we had was love but guess I was too absorbed in my own thoughts and my own fantasy to have thought that way. I still can't believe that we just part our seperate ways. What happen to all those promises that we made together ? I guess, it is no longer important now for I'm just a tiny part of your life. I tried to mend all those broken pieces. I tried fixing it. But you just stood there and watched me do it all alone. I beg you not to go but you still do. Tell me, am I that worthless to you ? If you think I had given up on us, I did not but you did. I'm sorry. When you read this letter, I'll be gone like we never knew each other. But I'll bring a part of you with me always cause it'll be lie if I say I no longer love you.
I guess this is what we call goodbye. I love you Alex. I'm sorry If I'm not good enough for you.
Love,
Charlotte
With that she sealed the letter and leave it on her desk beside the withering rose. As she lay on her bed and close her eyes, her ears caught a familiar voice of someone calling her name but it was all too late as the pain has already made it's move.
ps : I can't seem to string the words when my head is all messed up.
Labels: worthless
9:59 PM
THE A-TEAM
Friday, November 2, 2012
If I could write a book about you, it will be,"How To Be An Attention Seeker In A Week." It would be New York best seller and millions of copies will be sold worldwide and translated into 128470241 languages. Not to forget, everyone will come in groups to the book store to grab that piece of book. For who wouldn't want attention ? Everyone does.
I wonder how it feels like to be you. You are an epitome of perfect infact everything on you screams perfection. You have fair and flawless skin and cheeks that turn slight pink when you're under the sun. You have beautiful eyes which could melt the heart of anyone when you put on an eyeliner. You have a voice that so soothing to the ears and a talent of drawing where everyone envied. Wherever you go, you never fail to grab all the attention for who don't want to be as perfect and as flawless as you ? But as perfect as you are, your heart is black. It is as if your heart could no longer pump any more blood to your brain making you a bimbo because it is cover with pure fresh hatred.
You wasted God's gift on you. There is so many things in this world that you could do and dwell with but you chose to be someone where everybody would pray for your death to be faster and you chose to be someone that whenever your name pops out, people will cuss at you.
You think everyone loves you but the matter of fact is the despise your very existence. You are a paranoid what a pity for a perfect person like you. You tend to think that this whole world owe you something and whenever someone talks it is about you. When someone gets praise or attention or even get something more, your eyes will turn from hazel brown to green flames of envy and curse. You're hard headed not wanting to listen to anyone else but yourself. Where do you get all that friends with the temper of yours that each time it grew, someone needs to be sacrifice.
The worst thing about you that you someone who mask everything inside. You treated people like shit and then expect everyone to be kind and nice towards you ? Whenever you do something wrong, you would always accuse and spit words of disgust before finding out the real truth. When you know you are sentenced for accusation, you would make a plot twist and everyone would once again fall head over heels on you and kiss your feet.
And once again I asked myself, what it feels like to be you ?
Maybe you're emotionally damaged or trying to be even more perfect but that doesn't matter for after this the only thing I want to attend is your funeral. And what a waste for someone so beautiful like you to have a heart and soul who is waiting for you to feed them with your hatred.
12:14 AM
