PATHETIC AND DESPERATE
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Dear You,
Before you decided to love me, there is something that you need to know. I've been broken before and damaged and I'm not quite fixed yet. I know there is times that you will hate me and feel compelled to leave. But please don't give up on me, no matter how hard it is.
What does being in love actually means ? Does being in love means that you are always over the moon all the time or are you having somewhat the best of both worlds ? Well, I don't really know to be honest as all these while when I thought that I am in love, they turned to be likewise than what I thought and this time, I still have not achieve the fairy tale or happy ending that I have dreamed of.
I know I should be realistic and get both my head and feet on the ground for how can you achieve those kind of love in stories or novels ? For they are nothing but make believe scenes made up by people who have so much talent, creativity and imagination to make our heart long for something like this when the truth is none of this really happens.
I used to be someone who believe in true love and all the happy endings. I used to a firm believer of all those until I gave my heart to the wrong guy each time. But what can I say ? When you gave your heart to someone else, you have to be prepared to face the worst case scenarios.
Many people dream of a happy ending and a long lasting relationship. But how many of them really fight for it or change into a better person for their other half ? But I thought love means accepting your other half the way the are, overseeing their flaws and look beyond their imperfection but how many wanted the perfect one ?
Guess I never learn from the lesson I received. Never fall too hard or too fast and never trust words for they can be twist and turned to suit the mind. But I do all those each time, I fall too fast, too hard by a guy who swept me off my feet with all those words I longed to hear. But can I blame myself for trusting you when you gave me so much reason to believe you. If I knew you were trouble, I would not even dare to let my walls down for you.
And here I am wallowing my self pity when you decided to be like the wind and disappear and evaporate from my life. I try not to be this way but then I'm still a girl and I don't go around being a heartbreaker. Plus, just because you had been hurt before and betrayed, does that mean that others should receive the same fate as you ?
Never could I feel more grateful for having my hopes fueled up and thinking that I have a chance when from the beginning all you want is for me to fall for you and then lett me hanging. Yeah, I guess this is a great feeling. Maybe I'm just a bandage for your heart and now you are okay, you think it's time to leave. Yeah.
I never knew I am someone you could give up so easily. I thought what we had was real. I really thought. I got no one else to blame except myself for being a complete idiot.
And once again, does love need to hurt this much ?
ps: screw test and quiz tomorrow. I feel so fucked up.
Labels: Eff-ed, empty, heartbreak, worthless
8:28 PM