ONCE AGAIN
Sunday, October 7, 2012
It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in the world is limited and that eventually all of us will end up underneath in some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs and thinking one more stair and there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try to readjust the way you thought of things.
Lemony Snickets - Horseradish: Bitter Truth You Cant Avoid
I find that somewhat so true. Today in the evening while I just came out from shower, my phone has three miss calls and it was all from my mother as it was something rare for her to call three times in such short time gap. Usually she'll just miss call me once. As I was about to call her back, my phone rang with the word 'mummy' blinking on the screen. I answered and my heart sank to the ground when I heard the news of the death of my grandmother. My mind went blank and I asked her if she was joking and only to be scolded as no one jokes on matters like this.
Since young, I am not one person who deals with death easily. I remembered I used to stamp my feet and cry when my family wanted to bring me to pay my last visit. And each time someone die, I pray to God to keep my family close to me and if we would ever die, let us all die together. But God knows better. So far I dealt three deaths of people close to me. Probably now it will all seem numb for me but I don't. I still bleed and die inside.
When someone we love die, it is different than any other deaths. It is a stabbing pain that you feel each time someone mentions their name. You can feel your tears brimming each time you thought of those times spent together when they were alive. Most times when we reminisce we can still feel them close to us. But most time it just brings tears to the eyes. You tell yourself that they are happy in the afterlife and you follow what God has planned. But you'll always have the longing feeling with you each time you come across anything that reminded you of them. The death of someone we love is a bitter and painful reality that one must swallow and for me, I am still in a midst of swallowing it.
Like Jodi Picoult said in her book, My Sister's Keeper,"
If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one ? Or are you always a sister even if the other half equation is gone ?"
I dwell too much in my past and I always find myself reliving the memories. I try so hard to remember how they talk, how they look and what special features they have but I feel all those memories are getting blurry. I don't want everything to become a fragment of my memory.
I know we'll meet again, somewhere over the rainbow. Till then, I'll always love you and it will never change.
Labels: Emo, empty
11:35 PM
