TROUBLED
Monday, February 20, 2012
It's true that we will never appreciate what we have till it is gone from us. We often take things that are given to us for granted and once we let it slip off our hands, no matter how much regret we have we just know that some things are not meant to be in our life again.
But thank God I was given a second chance.
Lately, I do not know whether am I too paranoid or think too much or plainly just sober and depressed. I feel like I am missing lot's of things in my life. Things that I once had and now gone and things that I used to hate and now I have. I don't know. I feel like life is getting tough for me and what keeps me holding on and strong for so long is the people around me.
I am one person with a very high ego. I hate admitting my flaws and I love to flaunt my pride. Even if I love somebody and I know that I could not live without them, I would never admit it till the other party says so. Many times I lost so many people that love me due to this. And one of them has gotta be my family.
Those people never fail to be there for me whenever I need them but how often was I there for them when they need me ? I always let them down again and again. Make them angry the hell outta me and show my tantrum if I do not get things done my way. I am a spoilt brat. Being pampered with the most lavish and finest things in life, sometimes I forget where I stand.
Each time before going back to KL after spending time in the lovely hometown and when I stepped in the car to go home, many times I control myself from breaking down in front of my mother and brother. Each time before going home I wanted to just run into their arms and hug them and never to let them go but because of my pride, countless times I just forgo it. I am going to be nineteen this year and I really do not want o let them to see me crying.
As I sat here writing this, I reminisce at the past one of the loveliest and blissful time of my life and yet I let it slip away from me.
If only I could turn back the hand of the time.
I just need to be strong for 5 more days.
9:34 PM