SOME FEELINGS JUST DON'T FADE
Thursday, August 25, 2011
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LACOSTE AND ME (: |
When you lose someone, someone you love, when they break your heart, it is like one of the hardest thing that you have to go through.
And no matter how much time has passed, the feelings never really go away.
You may think you are getting better but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory that bring back the moments you once shared and it hit you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest or maybe worse than that and you fall apart again for the countless times and all you wanna do is crawl under a huge big rock or bury yourself and never to come out.
You love this person with all your heart when you know you shouldn't.
They hurt you worse than you have ever been hurt, they stole your happiness and yet you still want them back in your life.
You want no one else but only them.
Other people came along and to show them that they are different and gave you chances to move on but you don't want to.
You're afraid of moving on and it upsets you because you once made a promise of an eternal love even though now that promise is no longer valid but to you moving on just means that you are breaking your promises.
You don't care that they have break the promises, you just want to keep yours.
And on top of that, you're afraid. Afraid of getting hurt and go through all those shit again.
Not that it matters anyway because at the end of the day, you'll still think of that person who completely left you broken.
You tell yourself a million times that you have to stop thinking of them and you don't want to miss them anymore and you don't want to love them anymore but in the end, we all know that we will still miss that one particular person.
ps : I am lying if I said I give up on you.
Labels: emon-ess, heart-love
12:37 AM
SHORT UPDATE
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Yes, I have not been updating coz I am afraid that my sad pathetic and worthless life now will bore you but as a Chinese saying goes which I merely translate it as,"Happy also must pass one day, not happy also must pass another day so might as well pass each day happily." HOHO YESS ! I am trying to be more optimistic over here and I hope there will be more happy post to come (:
So currently what happened in my life ?
Say helloo to my newww baby.
Yes it is my new phone now Samsung Galaxy S2. And incase all of you were wondering why the heck did I ditched my Iphone for Samsung, I did not ! My iphone ditched me ! It is now currently in a sleep mode cuz it has gone crazy so yeahhh new phone (:
And I got myself a friendship bracelet.
So, I went out with Carolynn and Camilyn two weeks ago and we got ourselves this :D It was just a short outing cuz I need to go back at 5 and so is Camilyn but me and Carolynn arrived there like earlier cuz Camy was stuck in a jam -____- and thanks to Carolynn I bought this super nice skirt at Zara (: Wee.
That's all. I dunno what to update already and here is a super syok sendiri photo of me.
I don't know why but I just love that checked shirt of mine (: and that's my new skirt y'all. Why I dressed up so nicely ? It's because I went 1U yesterday for dinner. Waited for one and a half hour for a seat at Fridays. Pfftt -______-
ps : i promise to update more.
Labels: outings, Random blah's
3:36 PM
I AM TIRED
Monday, August 15, 2011
I am mentally and physically tired.
All I want to do everyday is just go home, curl myself in my blanket and cry my hearts out. Yes as you can see. I am depressed and miserable and I'm trying hard to pass each day without falling apart.
What once brings me great comfort now brings me tons of great misery.
Yesterday night, I cried again. I don't even know why. I feel like I could not take it anymore and I think I have reached my maximum turning point. I asked myself,"have I gone mad ?" But too bad I am still sane as before just that my emotions are unstable.
I don't know what make me cry yesterday night. The tears just flow. I guess I had enough and I could not control myself anymore.
While lying and crying in the dark I wish there is someone to comfort me and to tell me that I'm okay and I don't have to go through all this alone but when I turned around and looked around my room, there is no one. There's only me and the darkness and my own sobs.
I'm tired of faking smiles and pretending that I'm happy.
I just wanna be a little girl again.
Labels: emon-ess
6:59 PM
MEMORIES
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Memories. They never fail to have a way to torture me especially those bad ones. I used to have happy memories that make me smile each time I thought of them and those were the ones that I want to tell to the world, how much it means to me but for now all I have in my mind is the memories which I try so hard to remember, the ones that I do not wish to forget. But I just realised that some memories and some moments in my life could not be retrieved back nor make it again because people are like memories, they fade.
Every passing day I'm struggling. I try to put a smile on my face, laugh and put all my sadness behind but deep inside me I am breaking apart and waiting for the moment to fall. My friends say I'm cheerful but behind those cheerfulness is just a girl who just want a shoulder to cry on and a ear to listen. But for now, I basically have nobody. My best friend is in some weird rural area and she comes online only like once a week ? My peeps in Malacca will never know what's happening to me as we've been disconnected long enough and here, I got nobody to rant.
The problem with me, I hang on to memories too much. Before I'm like that and now I'm also like that. I wished I could get rid this bad habit of holding on for too long. I feel like I'm holding on and waiting for something that is not happening.
If I know that the time we spend together will be short, I swear if I could just turn back the hand of the clock, I'll never ever will let even a second slip away between our fingers. But what is bound to happen already happens and all I could do now is blame myself for the chances I did not take.
Distance separates us and slowly as time goes by we started to grow further and further apart. Is like slowly we're gonna be strangers and if we cross each others path one day will you actually remember me or will you just walk pass me like we never had our soul links before ? We used to talk to each other every day, smile at each other everyday, exchange glances, exchange jokes, pissed the hell out of each other everyday but now all I have with me is a distant memory of us which is replaying repeatedly in my head.
The truth is, I miss each and everyone of you a lot. LIKE GARBAGETRUCKLOADS. And I feel like you know, different. Because, finally I have found a group of people that I share a lot in common with compared to friends way back then and I just till now could not accept the fact that we can hardly see each other anymore, not as often as last time. :(
I miss those times where we text in class, laughed out loud, threatening people, presentation, stressed on our assignments, happy hour, lunch breaks, yada yada and the list goes on. How I wish I could still go through this moments :(
My beloveds,
I miss you all I miss you all I miss you all ! Best coursemates in my life ever ! Thanks for giving me one of the best memories ever in my life for this 4 months we spend together. Every night before I go to bed and close my eyes, I'm praying that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll able to see all of you all again but each day when I open my eyes, I wake up to the world where I do not wish I'm in and that's when it hit me that I could never go back there again. I'm seriously miserable and suffering here. I wish time will past as soon as possible and these moments will not last.
So happy when I meet all of you once in a while and those will be the days that I'm looking foward too now. (: I remembered how I cried last Wednesday when I see all of you. I feel like I've not seen all of you for ages. No matter how sad am I, I will try to put on a smile on my face each time we meet. Guys, I love all of you so much and I'm so sorry this is a meaningless post because I do not know how to put in words the things that I wanna say.
Take care & all the best. Lots of loves.
ps : I never thought that looking at those memories will make me cry.
Labels: emon-ess, Random blah's, SAM
6:33 PM
CHANGE
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Back from college real early today & now I got nothing to do besides tumblin', tweeting, fb-ing and stalking of course. So, here I am ranting.
Found this while tumblin' today (:
TA DANGGG ! ! ! !
OMG I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS KINDA LOOK ! !
I've actually tried once, minus the lens of course. And it dint really turn up like this :(
Really need someone to teach me how I could be like this :\
and next
Goodness graciousssssss !
This Iphone cover is just so adorable & fluffy rite ? :3 Totally want this so right now I am hunting for it :p
See her specsss ?
Freaking want it like so bad. Saw one at Midvalley that day but they don't have black colour so I did not buy it. :(
FIlled with regret.
Hoho ! I have a serious obsession for hats these few days ! Thank God this year's prom theme is HATS so yay gonna buy a hat.
Went to Garden's to try some hats with my cousin the other day and it is so unfair on how can she wear it so nicely while I don't. Hmmph :(
And btw I was thinking of changing my hairstyle :O
Shall I go and straighten my hair to this again
Or shall I leave it like how I look like now but just go for some trims ?
Butttttt, I'm planning to go for curls like this !
Super nice right ??? :D But ofcz I will not curl my whole hair. Just want my upper part to be straight & curls all the way downn there :3
That's all for today. xx
Labels: Random blah's
5:56 PM
BLAH BLAH
Monday, August 1, 2011
Lack of updates I know. I don't even know what to write anymore. I need inspirations.
During psychology lessons ! The three boys are so adorable rite ? Tall, Taller and TALLEST ! ! :D
After that, we went to pizaa hut (: First time the whole class recess together and it was absolutely amazing :D
My babes up there ! :D
We laughed our hearts out & talk at the top of our voices and Kay and I even have the competition on who could finish the pizza and the cheese first. She ate the cheese and I ate the pizza and she won -____- And don't you agree that Sarah has the loveliest eye smile ever :3
HAHHAHAHHAHHAAHHA the epic-est part EVERRRRRR ! ! ! !
Idk what happen to these guys at the back there but then suddenly there was a big HOO HA at the back so I went to see. Shariza placed a RM10 bet and said who drinks it will get the cash. Butttt, it is no ordinary drink as Kishen the mastermind and Zar and Bryan and Me and Shariza went to pour everything we could find on the table into the drink XD So, the funniest part is, Zar went to put so much stuff thinking that Bryan is the victim but in the end all of us shouted and said NO ! It's not Bryan ! It's YOU ! And he almost fell off his chair OMG I can't stop laughing :P In the end, superhero over there finished that gross drink and received the cashhh ! And we even recorded the moment he drink it so no escape Zar :p
Fun day !
Idk what to write anymore so BYE !
Labels: SAM
5:50 PM