Welcome to my blog.
That's how we all are,just stories
We only exist by how people remember us, by the stories we make of our lives.
Without those stories, we'd just fade away.
TODAY WAS A FAIRYTALE
Saturday, April 30, 2011
"You looked beautiful."
With those words, Prince William took the hand of Catherine Middleton also known as Kate, who wore a stunning and elegant ivory gown. He said,"I will," while Kate smiled at him and whispered,"I will", softly. And they went up to the balcony. where the kissed as the crowd and well-wishers cheered them on.
Yesterday's wedding was definitely a dream came true. Kate Middleton was indeed the world most luckiest girl yesterday and forever as she found a guy that not only she loves but also loved her back. It's not easy to find a true love and yesterday Kate lived every girls dream. She got her prince and a fairytale wedding.
I was getting teary-eyed watching both of them yesterday. It was so sweet. You could see that they were head over heels each other and everything was so perfect and blissful. The part when both of them exchange their vows, I literally died.
But for now, all I want is a boy who would hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. I want someone who would sing to me at random moments even he doesn't have a melodious voice. Someone who is more goofy than romantic. A boy who would throw stuffed animals at me when I'm acting dumb. Someone who would bet me kisses that he could beat me at all the old playstation games and then let me win. A guy who would make fun of me just to hear my laugh. He'd play with my hair all the time & surprise me with 25 cent rings. Someone who I could share lollipops with & lay on a blanket and count the stars. We'd buy tons of disposable cameras to take the silliest pictures of each other & squirt water guns at each other in the house. But mostly; I want someone who would be my best friend & would never ever break my heart but instead will always make me smile (:
Well, what a way to start the week. It's only the first day of the week and I'm like depressed, miserable, tormented and seriously just feel like pouring everything in my heart out. Ughh. I hate feelings like this cuz it really really kills me in the inside.
People here they are so different and yet they are just like me.
Different in the sense of that they're pretty blunt at times but they don't realise it.
And they see me like I'm some weirdo because I laugh so super duper loud and cracky and I love K-POP (they say my oppa is gay) and because I curse and swear on daily basis.
Like, What The Hell ?
Do I have to change myself because someone doesn't like me or what ?
I don't.
And I still continue doing all those stuff because I'm born this way bitch and i'm proud of it.
But anyhow, sometimes I feel that I don't fit in. Ugh, What am I even saying ?
And well, back to what I wanted to say.
Today's econs test was okay ! :D
I managed to answer except for some is seriously WTF motherfucking difficult sia.
But whatever la. I memang don't understand econs also. Pfft.
And legal test WTF ! ! ! ! ! ! One thing also I dunno man.
Seriously ! It's because I read econs so I dint read Legal. In the end, POOF ! Died just like that. Sighh.
We also went Sunway today cuz teacher was absent so Kishen suggested that we go Sunway. But it was 9 am that time and we girls were kinda reluctant to go cuz we're afraid teacher might come back or something but wth at 10 am Zar texted and asked us to meet up so all of us went. Not all actually, just our gang.
So, we had burgers. I forgot what's the shop name. It's really nice. I love the french fries so much ! :D
I really wanna go out. Like yeah. Will find more meaningful thing to blog about. Right now I just don't have the mood. So blah.
This was suppose to be on Wednesday, 20th April 2011 but oh well I was too lazy too blog that day. So, here goesssssss.
Brought my DSLR to school because Carolynn (our class rep) wanted to do a 'Dress Day' and on that day all of us girls wore dresses and the guys, ohhh, they look as casual as usual oblivious to the dress code. But sadly, not everyone turn up in dress !
L-R : Kay, Shariza, Me and Carolynn.
Carolynnnnnn
Carolynn and Claire. So adorable right ? ;D
My sweet babe Sarah and me. Ignore me.
And this is some random photos that Carolynn took.
M3.
KISHEN ! Tallest guy in our class with the height of 193cm !
Bryan the weirdo.
Mich (:
Zar, our class DJ. :D
LAURA the cutie pieeeee.
Guess who's hand ?
Teehee. Yup. There are only like 3 guys in my class so yeah, queen control most of the time.
But although my class is small, like there is only 18 of us but the amount of noise and havoc we produce can tear the building down. Like seriously.
There's Zar especially loves to plug in his music to the PA system and blast it turned the whole class upside down. HAHAHAAHAHA.
PS : And today, will be one of the days that I'll never forget (:
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for ?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for ?
When they know they're your heart,
And you know you were their armor,
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her
But what happens when fate, turns right around and bites you ?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you ?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain ?
Warning : EMO POST AHEAD HAH !
Well, I came across this video on you tube and I saw like tons of people in FB post this video. So, I open and watch thinking that it was a song but fuck, it's a 16 minutes of mind-fucking-heart-stabbing video. To those that in a a breaking up and healing process, I suggest that you should not watch this as it's gonna make matter worst instead of good.
We started off as strangers, then to friends, then to good friends, then to .............. (waittt, whut ? IS THIS PART EVEN REAL ? ) then to enemies and now, strangers. I can say that this video relate to my life like 99% so when I watched it, I'm like ohhh, ohkayy.
I still remember the first day I met you, it was three years back. And just so you know, three years aint a short period of time and so is 5 months.
I could still remember when I first text you, there were like a gazillion of butterflies flying around in my stomach and I was so nervous and all but what the hell I thought to myself, the message is already sent so might as well just wait for it and I guess the butterflies was worth it if you ask me.
Just so you know, since that night, it was a dream come true for me. In the beginning, my feelings for you is not really deep just those kind of one-sided puppy love but as day turned into night and as time goes by, I fell for you and I fell hard.
You were the one, infact the first one that I'll stay up all night just to text you. You were the one that made me wait for your text and make me smile for no apparent reason. And each moment when I'm with you, I feel like as if my life is complete. You made me happy in many way and you were always there when I need you.
Just so you know, the times with you was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
But I guess, this is life. Things started to get real sour for us. I felt you were not the same anymore, you were somewhat just different. You started being cold to me and this had left me crying for a few nights. I wonder what the hell I did wrong that you changed. Your messages they were all cold and dark and nothing for me to look forward about.
When one party stopped trying, eventually everything will just fade. I don't remember the last time you told me good night and sweet dreams instead of just nite. And by this, slowly and slowly we started to drift further and further apart. The magical bond that used to hold us together was just GONE.
Eventually after a few weeks of not talking, you left. And I was alone, my world was dark and I was pouring my hearts out for weeks and months.
I was clinging to the words that you told me.
You moved on, FAST while I stayed for some time.
After one whole year, and today I came across this video, I told myself, it is time to move on. No point dwelling in the past. It makes you more miserable.
It's not and never easy to forget you but if there's a will there's a way.
What is the point in remembering the things that you don't give a fuck ?
Maybe all this, I just made it up myself. We were never real, weren't we ?
Just to let you know ;
Thank you for letting me in your life for that period of time. I never regret knowing you. You were somewhat special and a good friend to me. (:
PS : If you ever come across my blog and read this post, I am sorry if I did write something that hurt you in any way.
It's true that we never learn how to appreciate something till it's gone. Like me, I never appreciate what I have till it's gone for example ; my life.
If only I could realise earlier how weak I am and how vulnerable I am, I bet, I would have never ever chose this path. But like my mum said, I chose this path so I got nothing to complain about. So yeah, I am going to accept anything that comes into my way (:
After two long bloody strenuous week in KL doing shit assignments, midnight revision and never ending homework, I went back to my home sweet home Melaka yesterday to enjoy my weekend before heading back to college. Although now I am back in KL but for the first time in years, I felt love (:
The moment I reached Simpang Ampat tol, I could not contain my excitement any longer. I texted my babes and said."OH YEAH BABY ! Guess who's back ? =b" When the moment I reached home that's when the hype starts ! (:
My brother that pain in the neck was sleeping when I reach home. Being a pain in the neck myself also, I was screaming,"LOOK WHO'S BACK YO !" till he woke up. Well, I can't be blamed, I dint annoy the shit outta him for years man.
When I saw my mum, DAMN. Words cannot describe how much I miss her nagging, her scolding and her unreasonable manners and of course, the latter herself. Right there and then I wanted to hug her and scream,"MUM OMG I MISS YOU SO MUCH ! ! !" but blahhh my ego got the better of me ! ): Fuck.
After unloading all my stuff from the car, I started talking about A-Z about college and stuff and KL ? Mum says she will come with my brother when she's on holiday ! Yay zomg ! I will skip everything and go out with those two people man (:
I dint really get to talk to my aunt because she was busy with her school stuff. Damn you MGSS ! Don't you give people rest on weekends ?! Motherfugger. But she gave me a real pretty bracelet which she buy and I spoilt it already today. Why am I so clumsy ? T_____T
At night, I went Jonker with my entire family. :D
OMG, is it me or Malacca had changed in some way I felt it is different ?
Gahhhh ! Who cares ? I miss this place !
And the potato zomg, it's been ages since I last ate it and mum still dint allow me to buy she said it's bad for health -____-
Then, me and my mum went searching high and low for the stuff my friends asked me to buy; specs for Bryan and some beach necklace for Zar.
Found the specs that Bryan wanted and after bargaining with the shop uncle, I managed to buy it at RM15 :D But unfortunately for Zar, his necklace is so bloody hard to find I tell you. I walk from beginning till the end and into every shop, I still could not find his. And one aunty tell me it's out of trend already. WTH ? -_____-
And today before I leave, mum fusses over me and my clothes and college and blah (:
And my baby brother actually cried when I hopped in the car (:
And my aunt phone me before I left (:
And I swear I was gonna break down and beg mum to lock me up here in Melaka when I saw the reluctant look on mum's face and my bro's crying face.
DAMN.
All this makes everything harder for me.
So here I am up late at 1 something in the morning, laughing and crying at the same time while writing this. I guess if I could turn back the time, I would never ever had the stupid rebellious attitude in me.
Sorry for the lack of update. I've been real busy for these past few days with assignment, homework and yada yada yada and it took a lot of my time actually when I could be revising for my test. But oh well.
Anyway, I was selected for an interview, and it's teaching.
Yesterday my friend sms me and told me to check and I kept my fingers cross that I will not get but wtf. I WAS CHOSEN. I WAS FUCKING CHOSEN TO GO FOR SOME FUCKING TEACHER INTERVIEW.
Like seriously FML to the extreme max.
My mum was overjoyed when she heard that I was selected for the interview. She made a big fuss outta of it and me on the other hand to prick the bubble just enn and ahh all the way in the phone but deep inside, I AM CRYING AND I CAN FEEL MY HEART EXPLODING.
Frankly, I loathe that profession. I know it's noble and yada yada yada but it's totally not my cup of tea.
I couldn't even imagine myself teaching. Like seriously, ME ? The one who curse and swear on daily basis is gonna be a teacher ? Like so WTF right ?
Anyhow, I am going for the interview whether I like it or not and I am not gonna give up my dream for some sheer madness interview. But because of this, I am gonna prove to my mom that teaching is out of the wayyy.
And because of the interview I must skip college on Tuesday and go back to Malacca ! Oh mann ! I gonna feel so weird. For this is my first interview LOL.
Don't wish me luck for this ! But instead wish me luck for my year in SAM (:
Okay, skip that. A little update of my college life (:
Fuck face after college. Just ignore it =b
SO FAR SO GOOD !
I seriously loveeee my life now. I'm more relax actually. Everyday I'm still tumblin. (:
And i'm much more closer with my classmates now. And we are all like a tiny family for my class only have 18 people and I really like all of them. (:
I am slowly adapting to this kinda life also. It is damn freaking tiring but all I can say it's worth it.
You know what is the time I like most ?
Break time :D
Our gang will take our own sweet time eating and talking and laughing our hearts out.
And the best thing boud my peeps now is although I just met them like two weeks ? I felt like I know them for years. Seriously. (:
And there is seriously less dramas compared to the schooling days and everyone here is like me ? Like you know what I mean ? Like, our gap is not that big :D
Ps ; People change but memories don't. Always remember that you had a place in my heart that no one can replace (;
That's me. I'll always be the girl that loves you.
Sometimes I wonder, was it me ? I am the one that had caused all this misery ? Am I the one that had inflicted all the pain ? Am I the one who was wrong ?
Sometimes I wonder, was it you ? Were you the one that had cause all this grief ? Were you the one that had changed ?
Sometimes I wonder who was at fault, but clearly now it doesn't matter.
Were those times real ? Or was it just puppy love ? Were you using me to fill the empty hole in your heart and when you had found someone new, you just left me. Just like that.
I guess I took everything so seriously till I did not see the other side of you.
If that day I did not agree with you, will everything change ?
I've been in Taylor's for a week already. So far, everything is good and going smoothly.
Well, many people were in the dark that I'm in college and my babes back home in Melaka have been very encouraging by posting warm wishes for me and texting me and told me to be positive and enjoy myself there. I appreciate it a lot (; Thanks babes.
Currently, I'm in M3 class. There's like only 16 people in my class and only 3 are boys. Yup, 3. Girl power in my class I shall say (:
I love all subject except for Econs. My God. One hour in the class you feel like it's two days. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING btw. It's true. Each time it's econs we are all groaning and all. The rest of the classes one hour felt like half an hour. Serious. Haha.
The people here are like real nice and cool and helpful and all. My classmates were an awesome bunch to be with well most of them actually.
I dunno what more to say. Heading back to Melaka in an hour. Maybe I'll fingd inspiration to blog at home. Till then.
ps : I do have pictures but I'll upload it in the next post.
THE TWIST