THE SUN WILL STILL SHINE
Monday, January 31, 2011
Time flies like wo hoo hoo~ Today January, tomorrow February ! Whoa ! Supahhhh fasttt.
Well, lately, the air of sadness have gone away from me. I'm a cheerful happy soul now. ;D
Today decorate house for chinese new year. Seems this ear too free got nothing to do, so me, my cousin and my bro help to decorate the whole house. Usually we just sit down and let the adults do the job. After one whole day of hard work and the result turn out succesful (:
All 'ang ang' yo.
But I wanted to do the fish from the red packets, but I forgotten how. Sigh.
Seriously, I'm all gear up for cny. Can't wait.
Before I end my post, lemme share something (;
Awwww my super cute maknae made it to university. ;D
Wish I could ride his bike too ):
To the people I love,
I promise you I'll be happy from now. Sad days are over. Past is past.
Labels: Random blah's
8:54 PM
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I HAD A BAD DAY.
8:31 PM
생일 축하 요 ♥
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I could seriously type out a whole super duper long essay or resume for you but I can't express how much I adore and love you for to me, no one can replace you.
You're the first Korean guy I fell in love with. I remember I first fall you during 'Rising Sun' mv. And from that onwards, I've been a die-hard cassie and also a fan of yours.
And from that onwards, I remember how I saved every pic of yours, buy cd's after cd's and posters after posters and also merchandise after merchandise.
Your voice never fail to make my whole body turn form solid to liquid.
I'm proud to say that after following you for 4 years plus, I can read you like a book. (: I know when you're gonna laugh and all. It's just so adorable. :D
Things turn out hard recently after you went into JYJ. People kept blaming all of you for the disbandment of TVXQ. I know your sad too for when you were in interview, when people ask you boud Yunho or Changmin you'll be real sad for you were really close to both of them. And I know people judge you after the SM controversy but no worries, we cassies' will always be here for you.
No matter you're JYJ or TVXQ, i'll always love you.
Continue to sing and never ever change your personality to please others.
I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE !!!
생일 축하 요, 재중 오빠 !!! ♥
Labels: heart-love, k-pop
10:59 AM
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PERFECT LIFE ?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Can I pretend that airplane in the night's skies are like shooting stars ? Cause I really need to use a wish right now.
Why things don't work out lately ?
Was looking forward to it but why you shattered my dreams and hopes. How can I go on for the next few days smiling and moving on with my life ?
Gonna be the worst time ever. I know they're sad too. But they just don't want to show it.
Sigh.
Can't things just be perfect for just once ?
Is this God's test for us ? I hope we pass and get our lives back.
Cuz my heart is fragile. I can't accept any more other news. For I might just die.
Promise you'll webcam with us. I don't another of this incident to repeat again next year.
This is a time for everyone.
Things is gonna be different this year.
Moodless.
Labels: emon-ess
10:44 PM
OVERTHINKING
Sunday, January 23, 2011
These past few days, my brain has been working to think and think and think. Right now, I felt as if my brained just dried up or something. FML.
Anyway, the other me and my family talked boud what college or courses to take. Can you believe it that even after I've changed my mind and decided to drop off my ambition to be a psychologist, they still disagree and insist I take TESL. Like WTF, do I have to follow my mum's footsteps in being a lecturer ? Sigh.
The other option was doctor, pharmacist or dentist. I told them like a trillion times, I HATE SCIENCE and the sight of blood can make me faint. So no way.
Sometimes I wonder whether am I the leader of my life or they are living this life for me ?
Guess the only thing I could do now is to leave everything to God. Bless me.
And these pass few days too, I've been thinking a lot about you. I just feel that you and me like there's no more connection. Everything we had before had been shattered my those blunt words of yours.
I act like I don't care but I asked myself, could I really forgive you and pretend that nothing had happened between us ? Guess, I just could not do it.
Labels: Random blah's
8:55 PM
COMING BACK TO SENSES
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I absolutely did not look forward to any day at all till Chinese New Year of course. And till then, I am not looking forward to any day. Seriously. You might say I'm crazy or whatever but my whole life now is filled with nothing but absolute and complete boredom which makes me kinda lifeless now. Sigh.
Everyday is the same same thing all over again. Watch movies, dramas, DVDs, online, blog, tumblr, gaming. texting, skype, msn and driving classes till I got real bored and fed-up altogether. Sigh. Last year I complain that I do not have enough time and now I got too much time till I don't what to do. That's why I kinda deserted my blog, I don't feel the need to update.
Right now, I really hope CNY will come ASAP. I am trying to find something interesting to write. Till then.
****************************************************
I tried to fix those broken pieces. I couldn't care what they say, I'm determined. I don't want to go on with my life regretting it later but I guess they were right.
It seems I barely know you already. You're like a far cry to the one I used to know two years back. People change, that's right but honestly, I don't like a single bit of you now. But then again, who am I to even judge you in what you say or do for I am now beginning to see the real you.
I tried, hoping you'll give me a chance. I stooped so low and tried to act like nothing happen, but you don't give a damn. So, why force when there's no end ?
But one thing I knew for sure is I'll never forget you and you'll always be apart of me but now I am determined to let go and move on. This world spins fast and I shouldn't stop hoping and holding on for something that's not supposed to be mine.
Labels: emon-ess, heart-love, Random blah's
7:46 PM
SORRY THAT I LOVED YOU
Sunday, January 16, 2011
For all of the time that I tried for your smile
For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love, for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
I’m so sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that I loved you
I’m sorry that I hurt you
I’m so sorry that Iloved you
I’m sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I loved you
9:20 PM
DEJA VU
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before. So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me, as soon as I go home and close the door. Kinda feels like Deja Vu, I wanna get away from this place I do, but I can't and I wont, say I tried but I know that's a lie cuz I don't, and why, I just don't know.....
God really do work in mysterious ways. Sometimes, I wish I could figure out what is God trying to tell me or show me for I'm helpless, lost and definitely a miserable soul. I need guidance and courage, lots and lots of them to endure this test, this path that I'm leading to for I'm really am powerless when fate takes a nasty turn like today.
It's like a cliche and a deja vu. The same thing that I've been going through again and again and repeating the whole process altogether. I just don't understand why each time when I've already move on with my life, leaving the past behind and the memories kept lock deep in me, you'll appear. And this time I'm sure that my mind isn't playing any tricks on me and I'm so sure that I'm in reality.
Who could had ever thought after I've completely move on for good and I'm so sure that no matter what it is, I will never need to endure all the pain all over again, I MEET YOU. And the most ironic thing was, I was just telling my friend that I'm so over the past and I'm moving on now when you suddenly appear just like a dream to me.
I was dumbstrukk. I froze in complete disbelieve as I saw you walking out of the car towards the registration. I immediately let my hair down to avoid seeing you and my other friend realise that I was quivering and my face went white and my hand went cold. No, I am not exaggerating, this is true. And I could feel my heart beating real fast as if it's gonna come out from my veins or something. And she repeatedly ask me what's the matter and am I okay ? I sat there, staring at my phone and refused to speak anything. And when I textd my best frien it's all like,"omg shit i dkjkdhhoihklfsk"
I guess I can't stop myself and I guess I just couldn't care. After so long and here we cross each others path again. Each time this kinda thing happen, all those memories will come flooding back and the pain will come emerging itself again. I stole a glance at you, I guesses you didn't notice. Wait, do you even remember me ? When I saw you, I just realised how much we've change all this while and damn, I miss you a lot !
Guess all these while I could not really let go of the past. Eventhough I've said I've move on, I know a part of me wanted to dwell. I don't know why is this get over thing is so hard. I wish God will show me the right path and tell me exactly what is it, this test that You're giving me for I'm just helpless in situation like this, God.
Please save my soul. I'm truly am dissapointed with myself. I'm LOST.
Labels: emon-ess, heart-love
3:14 PM
DEDICATED
Friday, January 7, 2011
Tears welled up in my eyes as I read the messages again. As I sit here, replying you, I broke down.
Can't you see that I love you ? That I really really love you ? That I would rather die than to let you go ? Can't you see it ? Don't you feel it ? You, like I said hold a special place in my heart that cannot be replaced and erase just like that. Don't you know it ? I say it's better if we end it but do you know how much courage do I need to utter such words which I never meant it ?
Have you forgotten the happy moments that we've shared together ? Have you forgotten the tears that we've cried together ? Have you forgotten the fun and the joy we had together ? Have you forgotten the love that we've created together ? Have you ? Well I haven't and I guess I'll never will.
Since the very moment I know that you've removed me from FF and disappointed with me, I try making amends and explaining. I guess it does not matter to you anymore right on whatever I am going to say ? I guess you were so disappointed with me that you'll never ever forget what I did and you were right, you were blind. Who needs a person like me ?
What is done is already done. I guess no matter how much I want to turn back the clock, it'll just stay as it is. We can't go back to the past. You were right, there's no need to pretend. And I can't go on with my life like nothing had happen between us. I just can't. I don't know about you.
And I guess, I'll remember you for a very very very long time to come.I may not be the one that can stay by you forever or the one you need. But please remember, you were apart of me. Part of me is attached to you and now you're gone, I felt like half of myself is gone too. I guess this is what happens when you're too attached to someone.
I hope the pain I've inflicted on you will subside soon and I'm truly sorry for everything that happen. I know that it's already too late to say this but you mean a lot to me and I'll always love you. Take care.
10:32 PM
THERE'S NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS
Thursday, January 6, 2011
내 심장에 살고 눈물에 살고
또 기억에 사는 그리운 사람
지우지 못하고 버리지 못 할 아름다운 사람아
또 아프게 하는 오직 한 사람,
바라볼수록 더 다가설수록 눈물겨운 사람아.
널 사랑한다.
I've been sitting here for the past hour with my hands placed on the keys and I find myself staring at it not knowing what to say or do as I am now struggling to find the right words to say and I guess for once I have to admit that, I am lost for words. What I am going to write does not only hurt you but it hurts me too as I am now trying to control the tears from falling down.
How does it feel to be used and abandoned ? How does it feel to love and left alone ? How is it feel to have someone that you love when suddenly, out of the blue, they turn their backs on you and you're here, alone, clueless and confused ?
For the first time in my life when I received the news or I actually discovered it by accident, there was not even a single vein in me that was boiling. I was also surprised on how calm I was and how I replied all those text. The typical me would definitely shout, scream and shout abusive words at you but now all I do now is sitting down here pouring my hearts out while waiting for how the story is going to fold.
I never regret in knowing you. You were always special to me and you know that. You were there when I laugh or cry but I guess this is it for us. We were going to part anyway, might as well part like that. You never needed a friend like me, really. I bitched about you on the blog and told you off. I guess you only need friends that will please you and not friends that is trying to show you how vile and realistic the world could be.
By now, you should know who your true friends are. You just need them in your life. Erase all the memories that you had with me, and when we meet in the near future, pretend that you don't know me. For who I am to you ? Nobody.
If you think that I hurt you more, think again. Who was the one that was there with you during your darkest hours ? Who was the one that hear your rants ? For you know better than I do. Sorry to break the news but our memories and the times we had together were just too many and too memorable to be forgotten.
2:56 PM
THIS IS REALITY
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
WARNING: Long post ahead. Skip if you want. :)
Well, my New Year's eve basically got ruined. Forget about whatever explosive thing that I'm gonna say now I wanna say something way more important than that. Seriously, if I dint show my expressions or express what I feel, does that mean that I don't mind ? Sorry to break the news, I do mind. And I fucking mean it.
What is most important thing for us as a girl ? Definitely our dignity and also our virginity right ? Well, I just don't understand how a girl could be so fucking drunk and acting like a complete uncivillised barbarian in front of her friends family. Screaming, shouting, crying and laughing like a banshee. I seriously don't know how they can completely for go their dignity and end up in a total mess with everyone looking at them without feeling a pang of regret and a sense of remorse. Queer isn't ? In the first place if you know you couldn't drink the forget boud it. DON't DRINK. Know your limits.
Seriously, you're not the only bitch that is in love. Trust me, there are tons of people out there in this world who are deeply and madly in love with each other but never did any desperate act like all of you ! Oh c'mon and cut the crap. How sure are you that you're gonna marry the guy that you're with now ? 100% ? 200% ? You sure you gonna be with each other till eternity ? Shut The Fuck Up seriously. You're nothing but a slut in my eye ! Kissing and groping and biting each other in public. WHOA ! Slow down there young lads ! You think you freaking own this world and people around you are invisible ? Get a grip. We have eyes and mouth. We see, we talk. Blame no one if you're being called a slut. Cause you're actions have prove us all, bitch.
Seriously, you think your parents raise you up till now just to see you end up like that ? Oh, I don't think so. Your parents must be so fucking disappointed with you if she ever know you slept with your boyfriend or girlfriend and keep ugh. Please. All of you are basically underage man. If anything happen who is gonna be held responsible ?
Btw, don't you people know basic manners ? Like a simple gesture or calling uncle or aunty ? Whoa. I am so shocked that all of you forget about the world after seeing your partners. Like seriously WTF ? You think all of you could be here without us ? Oh, shut up. And no I'm not showing off or what. But seriously, just basic manners or whatever you all can't do ? Can't you people show the slightest respect towards my family ? Guess this is the difference between the both worlds we're in ?
I don't know. Guess after this incident, it really open my eyes to the real you. Guess all this while I was blinded by those clean images that all of you portray. I don't fucking give any damn if you people no longer speak to me after reading this. But as a friend, I hope all of you will reflect on your actions. Sorry if I hurt you but I guess I must tell you before you end up worst. And yes, I'm not perfect too. Sorry.
Labels: Eff-ed
4:01 PM
HELLO 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
HELLO 2011 :D
Well, what can I say ? 2011 is finally here !
New year, new life and definitely a new beginning !
And I'm kinda excited to start this year ! Bring it ON ! I'll face it !
Anyway, after 10 effing months I am proud to say that I have finally MOVE ON.
The sad and though days is finally OVER. No more tears, no more nightmares.
I thought I'll be holding on to everything that you said and you gave me but who knows I'll let go ?
To all my friends that had all the while helping me throughout this tough times, you know who you are and I just wanna say a BIG thank you for everything you did for me. I love all of you, each and everyone of you.
For making 30.12.10 a bliss, I promise you I'll never forget you. :)
Labels: Random blah's
10:48 PM