Memories. They never fail to have a way to torture me especially those bad ones. I used to have happy memories that make me smile each time I thought of them and those were the ones that I want to tell to the world, how much it means to me but for now all I have in my mind is the memories which I try so hard to remember, the ones that I do not wish to forget. But I just realised that some memories and some moments in my life could not be retrieved back nor make it again because people are like memories, they fade.

Every passing day I'm struggling. I try to put a smile on my face, laugh and put all my sadness behind but deep inside me I am breaking apart and waiting for the moment to fall. My friends say I'm cheerful but behind those cheerfulness is just a girl who just want a shoulder to cry on and a ear to listen. But for now, I basically have nobody. My best friend is in some weird rural area and she comes online only like once a week ? My peeps in Malacca will never know what's happening to me as we've been disconnected long enough and here, I got nobody to rant.

The problem with me, I hang on to memories too much. Before I'm like that and now I'm also like that. I wished I could get rid this bad habit of holding on for too long. I feel like I'm holding on and waiting for something that is not happening.

If I know that the time we spend together will be short, I swear if I could just turn back the hand of the clock, I'll never ever will let even a second slip away between our fingers. But what is bound to happen already happens and all I could do now is blame myself for the chances I did not take.

Distance separates us and slowly as time goes by we started to grow further and further apart. Is like slowly we're gonna be strangers and if we cross each others path one day will you actually remember me or will you just walk pass me like we never had our soul links before ? We used to talk to each other every day, smile at each other everyday, exchange glances, exchange jokes, pissed the hell out of each other everyday but now all I have with me is a distant memory of us which is replaying repeatedly in my head.

The truth is, I miss each and everyone of you a lot. LIKE GARBAGETRUCKLOADS. And I feel like you know, different. Because, finally I have found a group of people that I share a lot in common with compared to friends way back then and I just till now could not accept the fact that we can hardly see each other anymore, not as often as last time. :(

I miss those times where we text in class, laughed out loud, threatening people, presentation, stressed on our assignments, happy hour, lunch breaks, yada yada and the list goes on. How I wish I could still go through this moments :(

I miss you all I miss you all I miss you all ! Best coursemates in my life ever ! Thanks for giving me one of the best memories ever in my life for this 4 months we spend together. Every night before I go to bed and close my eyes, I'm praying that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll able to see all of you all again but each day when I open my eyes, I wake up to the world where I do not wish I'm in and that's when it hit me that I could never go back there again. I'm seriously miserable and suffering here. I wish time will past as soon as possible and these moments will not last.

So happy when I meet all of you once in a while and those will be the days that I'm looking foward too now. (: I remembered how I cried last Wednesday when I see all of you. I feel like I've not seen all of you for ages. No matter how sad am I, I will try to put on a smile on my face each time we meet. Guys, I love all of you so much and I'm so sorry this is a meaningless post because I do not know how to put in words the things that I wanna say. 

Take care & all the best. Lots of loves.

ps : I never thought that looking at those memories will make me cry.